Humdrums Comedy Thread <all idiots welcome>

[Cute Loops]

Welcome to Humdrums open-post comedy thread!

the rulz...
1. If its only stupid, wonderful... yoo belong here at humdrums.. collect ur free beer
2. If its funny only because its totally stupid, again... yoore gettin' the idea.. collect ur free pickled egg
3. If its funny because its actually funny, it will be removed and you will longer be allowed back inside humdrums comedy thread, you have been warned!

[Cute Loops]

[CL walks up to mic]

howyadooin' peeps?

ya know... i almost didnt make it here tonight because i ran out of gas on the way to the airport this morning, stoopid me.. i forgot taco bell wasnt open at 7am

<...................{cough}.....................>

oh ya...

the other night i had a novel idea, but unfortunately it only led to me being booked for shoplifting at barnes and noble

<chirp>

ok....... moving on...

hey... speaking of ideas, I had a great idea for a new invention just the other night, its a roof made out of glass for peeple that like to stargaze, Im gonna call it.. a seeling

<dog howling off in the distance>

alright... and speaking of glass, ide really like to hang out and tip a few with yoo'all, but... hey... im in a glass all by myself

<the sound of a cigerette ash hitting sawdust>

well thank yoo.. thank yoo very much... yoove been a great crowd, really

[exit stage wrong]

<caw... caw.......{snort}........>

[Cute Loops]

ya ya ya good fuckin' morning peeps

....

Q: so ah.... why is it that cows have no future?

A: because theyre still stuck in the pasture

<...........{yawn}....................................>

fuckin a... thats right, gimme those tongs buckwheat, pickled eggs for breakfast:cool:

[macrowave freezer]

that last one is borderline watch your own rules loser

q - why do you have to pay for ovens when you pick one up?

a - because theyre not-cool-like-us-freezers

<..........................................{spit}......................>

yuhhuh.........

[leans back 10° and open doors]

put it right here mofos!